If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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