at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
