You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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