I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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