she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
