yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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