matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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