I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
