Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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