Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
