i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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