3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
