btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
