i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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