I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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