I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
