he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
