He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
