then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
