dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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