I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
