i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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