there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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