I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
