He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
