I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
