I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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