definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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