what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
