so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
