It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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