At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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