Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
