You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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