No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
