wat bout pragnant strippers??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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