My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
