wakey wakey hands off snakey
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
