I got chris browned last night
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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