at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
