I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
