and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
