Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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