I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
