Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
