Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
