he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
