After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
