Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
