I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
