Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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