if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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