There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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