i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"