she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
