sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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