5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
