He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
