Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
