The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
how does that bad decision feel?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
