He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
