Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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