Plan B is the new Plan A
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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