she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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