i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I party with great urgency now.
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