Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
