Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
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She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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