bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize