It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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