Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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