just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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