I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
